No One

Everything’s gonna be alright.

It’s Cancer season, July 2019, and it has me all up in my watery, oceanic Feels.

Thinking about things… The new opportunities potential, physical, spiritual, and otherwise, that I can feel shift with the wind; Messages breezing in from On High.

I welcome and embrace new beginnings, new Connections, living the hell out of my Best 9 of Pentacles ⭐ Energy Life.

Twin Eternal Flames
Twin Eternal Flames

I hope, TF, that you do pop onto my site on occasion, because I want you to know: I forgive you. I never stopped wishing you Joy, Happiness, and Love, even though you may have told yourself otherwise. We all have our lessons to learn, and mutual communication is Key.?️

There’s much you missed or misinterpreted because of your fears. Our Silence, Separation, is still because of those fears.

And that’s okay. I hope you’re okay; I know I am more than okay. ? I’ve learned so much over the last couple years, and the knowledge makes me stronger, empowered. I hope you took time to do the same.

Because no matter what choices we make in this life, no matter whom we Connect with, You will always Matter. ♾

“No One” – Alicia Keys

Lemonade ?

“Lemonade… That cool, refreshing drink.”
– Eddie Murphy, Delirious

Since laid out by a fever after work the other day, finally got around to watching Beyoncé’s Lemonade ?. It is a beautifully visualized and a surprisingly relatable film, I must admit. I now have several new favorite quotes thanks to this visual album.

It’s amazing how much destruction occurs when only one out of a mutual promise tries to fulfill said promise. How sad that, “Every promise don’t work out that way.”

In my personal experience, when that tree falls in that forest, it does not make a sound. It only screams in thick silence, for those who should hear do not choose to listen.

“All the loving I’ve been giving goes unnoticed; it’s just floating in the air. Looky there. Are you aware?”

Yeah, I now that one too well. #db

The more personal Beyoncé dove, the more I could relate:
“You are terrifying. And strange. And beautiful.” #tf
“Every promise don’t work out that way.” (Love that song, by the way. ?)
“If we’re gonna heal, let it be Glorious.” #db
“Why do you consider yourself undeserving? Why are you afraid of love? You think it’s not possible for someone like you. But you are the Love of My Life.” #tf

And this one, which only led me down the path of my former married life’s memories:

“God was in the room when the man said to the woman, ‘I love you so much, wrap your legs around me and pull me in, pull me in.'”

Bittersweet nostalgia is all that is left. Remnants of the Glory that once was. Karma is She who listens now. #db

And of course, the instant classic:

“Ashes to ashes. Dust to sidechicks.”

I Ain't Sorry
“I Ain’t Sorry”

Taking a Breather

Because when I looked up, the clock read 10:26 PM (again.)
And I realized that I’ve been immersed in emotional intensity way too deep for too long a period of time. Not enough distractions when my kids aren’t home. Too much bad news in too short a time coming from too many different directions, too many frustrations leading to feelings of impotence, imbalance.Radiant Rider Waite Ace of Cups Not enough give but far too much take. Silence where there never was; leaves me vulnerable, uncertain. Trying so hard to do the Right Thing. Doing everything I’d been Guided to do… with the promise of joy and transcendence… Only… there’s nothing there. Empty promises.

Anger swirls around the edge, threatens to pour into what’s left of my Cup of Care; smother what Hope remains.

So I force myself to pause… To listen to my children’s laughter as it bubbles down the stairs. To draw in one slow, calming breath after another until I am still. Able, once again, to remind myself how very Blessed I am, how grateful. And as everything in my mind slowed back down to a more manageable pace, I heard music:

Yes, I understand, that every life must end, uh huh
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh huh
taken by StormCloudOh, I’m a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love
Some folks just have one, yeah, others they got none, uh huh
Stay with me… Let’s just breathe

Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win, uh huh
Under everything just another human being, uh huh
Yeah, I don’t want to hurt. There’s so much in this world to make me bleed
Stay with me… You’re all I see

Did I say that I need you? Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t, I’m a fool, you see. No one knows this more than me…
As I come clean
taken by StormCloudI wonder everyday as I look upon your face, uh huh
Everything you gave and nothing you would take, uh huh
Nothing you would take… Every thing you gave

Did I say that I need you? Did I say that I want you?
Oh if I didn’t, I’m a fool, you see
No one knows this more than me
I come clean…
Nothing you would take… Every thing you gave
Hold me ’till I die… Meet you on the other side…
“Just Breathe”, Pearl Jam

taken by StormCloudThe very best part is that everything feels so much better when my four babies are home with me, safe and sound. Much easier for me to just breathe. ?